And now it's up to me!!!

Wawùff!! My human pet is growing older 'n' I can steal things from his 'puter under his nose now!! So... you laughed at his "move ya, stupid ball" saga, uh? Well... that was a sign of your disordered mental state... but it's not completely your fault... and perhaps I can cure you later... but now... now take a look at the man whom you've laughed with... and tell me what should I do with this guy in my house!!! He doesn't believe in psyco-medicine men... and he's proud to scream he never needed a brain-doctor... but have ya seen him? The guy is as out as a cangaroo jumpin' on dingo's shit just to cure his callous feet!!! I think he has put his brain in a hole in the ground much deeper of those I usually dig to hide my bones... and forget where the f§[ç the place was!!! However... this is him... explaining his hate for the so called world music... some noise humans create when they not apply in the real thing...which is heavy metal, of course!! So watch him and laugh!! Evolved creature, ùh? Bark ya later! Alooouuuuha!!

The case of the furry unstoppable sex machine!!! [or: size matters... baobabs are for winners, bonsais are for whiners!!!]

This is my last case... a case that pushed me to the limit of my almost "Job-patented" patience!!! One day this little dog comes to me and soundly barks about his "sex tool" being like some sort of divine gift to the female species of this planet!! Deeply interested (yeàh, suuure!!! hùmf!!) I kept listenin' him talkin' 'bout his "Here's-where-my-brain-really-works!!" apparatus, about his long-timed "resistance" ( a word that pronounced in French sounds cosmically hilarious... but I digress, ehmm...), about his "charme" (another word that, expressed in French, makes me think 'bout "bidèt-less" gays... and don't ask me why, 'cos' I'm still digressin'...) and about his restless search of action to tame his untameable pleasure-engine!!! I've been there in yawn-mode waitin' for the conclusion of his tales for about three hours and then, after his last "this-piece-of-meat-beats-the-diamonds-for-the-best-female's-friend-game" story about his excavator toy, I simply asked: "Ehy! If it's all iron&tall lights like the Eiffel Tower (and here I could digress for months comparing the famous fallic symbol to the mascolinity of the nation who build it...!!!) ...what's the problem? I mean: I'm paid for each hour you stay here, and you can stay for how long you like it... but what can I do for you?" So Rambo... òh, I forgot to tell you this guy's name, ùh? Blessed his obviously blind human pet!!!... so Rambo told me: "But this is the problem!! I can't stop being excited and on the hunting-mode for chicks... whatever number of legs they have!! I really can't do anything in my life except f§ç£ ev'rything in sight!!!" I told him that already exist some pills or even some surgery remedies to his pathology... but he told me he already took a lot of pills with no results and that he didn't want to lose his precious "albero maestro"... So I thought and I thought... and finally realized how to help the hellion-dog!! Like all my ideas, this was a real stroke of umparalled genius!! I told him to try to have sex with me... to act like I wasn't his doctor but an unknown furry bitch in heat!! He turned up almost immediately and tried to possess me as soon as we went out for a walk... and try was all he was able to do for almost four hours... yes, four hours of failed moves to shag me!!! In the end of the day, he was so tired and frustrated and humiliated that he never got excited any more and so, all I had to say was: "Boy! I can't see you now... but I can't even imagine if you tried to f§ç£ me or played "Harry Potter & his invisible magic stick" all the time!!! D'ya read me?" That was the end of the case: last time I heard about Rambo, he was in France doing some street-shows dressed like a gay Pierrot (who else ?) and barkin' out evangelical nonsense about the sins of pre-marriage sex!!! Ah! Another case well resolved, another patient satisfied... and another lesson of life gifted to ya all!! Remember you out there: sometime it's all in your mind... and if you can comprehend zen... go, stay closed in your room for a day or two and repeat the subtitle of this article like a mantra... In the end you'll accept the truth...or you'll run to the nearest florist, who cares? See ya soon... till then it's always Aloooouuuhaaa f'r ya!!

Cica,sleeping beauty & her rude awakening!!!

Alas, poor Cica... what a bone-shaker-skin-freezer awakening!!! It all happened few days ago, but Cica has found just now the inner force to contact me to tell her miserable tale!! In her own words... "I was...ehmm...sleeping, uh? I was just regeneratin' myself after my last super-meal and... in my drowsy, I keep hearin' som'thin' like: -Hmm...I think it's too fat...I think she's eating more than a dozen SanBernardo...- and another voice replyin' more or less: -Hmm! I think not! After all she burns a helluva lot of energy eating, ehmm!! So she's not fat...just perfectly round!!-Soon the voices in my head kept arguing more 'n' more: -She's fat!- - No, she's round!- - I tell you she resembles a puppy-walrus!!- - No, she's just fur and bones!!- ...and here, after these last words... I began to worry 'bout myself!!!... To make a long story short, my human pet decided to shave me off my fluent fur just to see if I was fat or not!!! Snàrrlll!!! I think I'll piss over her empty head just to see if something grows over that "No-intelligent-life-here,-Spock,-beam-me- up!" brainless skull!!!" This moving tale made me willing of bite ev'rythin' in sight... so I compelled my deranged human pet to make a suppletive pissy-business just to kick some tails out there and meditate some answers to give my Cica! Kickable tails I found none...but answers, those I found a lot!! So, first thing, I reassured Cica her fur shall be soon regrown in all her beauty, and then I told her to be patient, wait for the first time her deranged human makes her comeback home from the human coiffeur and then... jump on her head and scramble her expensive hair-do till she cries!!! It's a proved umbosoming-therapy that always works!! All in all, the human pet can only react yellin' 'n' posponin' yer meal-time but... for how long? In less than a few hours, she's just there, guilt-driven, caressin' and givin' you more food than yesterday!!! And, top of it all, she finally can see that you're absolutely fat-free!! You know what? Cica is now under training to jump higher 'n' higher... and she's eatin' more and better!! Her human pet, after Cica "hair-do destruction from the high" assault, enrolled her in a Gym center where she's met some iron-pumped dog to have some good time with!! And now, full of energy, she almost sleeps no more!! Ah! Another emergency case well resolved!! Awwwright! Aloooouuha and remember: if ya can't avoid the shavin'... make 'em pay in pain!!

WHY DON'T YA MOVE, F§ç[/N' STUPIDER BALL ?

Ah, ah!! Very very smart, oh my deranged human pet!!! This always happens during my pissy-business, when I innocently play with my toys and sometime I stop, lost in my thoughts! I'm a busy dog, right? I've a lot of patients out there and even I need some minutes to reconnect me with the world... so, again, I'M NOT WAITING FOR THE FOREVER-CURSED BALL TO ROLL ANYWHERE!!! I'm not so stupid, for Anubi and a ton of T-Rex bones!!! Since my human pet has bought a damned videophone, he's clickin' ev'ry breath of mine while smiling like a walrus after the teeth-washing!! Somebody buy him a human female to play with... possibly destroying meanwhile his photo-device or I'll do it by myself one of these days... and not before showing you some old clicks of him in very questionable poses!!! Ah! I'll just play with another toy for awhile... and now:back to work, my friends! Alooouuuha!!