This case it's a very hard one... a real hard one, believe me! Last time I "visited" a Hùma (it's the True-StreetDog-Word for Human Pet, ya eggheads!!) t'was the case of Mr. Julius Bamboocha, d'ya remember him? And that was a hard case but this... this is an "Over the Top" case because my patient is nonetheless than MY deranged human pet, the only true mr. Diopotamo himself!! He called me some weeks ago and said he needed a conversation, a dialogue, a serendipity-for-mind type of talk! Being who he is (that is the guy who buys me rich foods and guarantees me happy and prolonged pissy-business time...!!), I fixed my work to have him relaxed in my studio (a place somewhere between the bed of the human pet and the kitchen...) to start cryin' out his very soul... Knowing his ability to talk freewheelin' from Metal to religion, or from politicians to bitches (strange couple this one,uh?), I preferred drive his sermonizin' speech into the form of an interview and this is what came out in a loooong, cold winter night blessed by some glasses of Porto and some juiceful cakes... Beware: the themes and the language which adorne the following interview ain't for the weak, the puny or the fervent-mindless-religious ones!!
Here we go!!
ME : - So... what's goin' on here? Why this urge to talk? No drink in sight? No guitar-riffin' today? No writin' duties or comics readin' or tv shows for ya tonight?
HUMA : - Dunno how ta 'xplain my feelings these days... or years for what it means... I hope this talk may restore my soul somehow...
ME : - At least the soul, cos' the mind's gone pasturin' in the farest border of the known universe long long time ago...
HUMA : - What?... Ehy! No fair!! I'm serious now!
ME : - Aww! Tryin' ta soft the talk! Ya heavy like a tank! However... Answer my first question: what d'ya wish to obtain talkin' this way now?
HUMA : - Dunno... really! But I had to talk... Let's do it this way: ya drive the talk and I'll follow you! Deal? I think we'll sort it out somehow... ya know, freein' spirit and all the clichè!!
ME : - Are you aware that this is gonna be some sort of an analisys session? Is this what you wished? Me analizin' you?
HUMA : - Can we start the party or ya need some dancin'wolves around? Let me express somethin' 'bout me and then we'll see...
ME : - So it's a matter of expression need... D'ya feel not free to express yourself?
HUMA : - I dunno... That is... I know I'm free to express myself however I wish... It's more a problem of what I voice, or could voice, or should voice! You know I'm certainly not on the empty side of my ideas' tank but... these days I see all these people around... on tv, on newspapers, on blogs or facebook's pages... all chattin' or word-hammerin' about a lot of arguments with some serious approach... and I feel I can't reach 'em... I feel...
ME : - Not so serious like the most of 'em?
HUMA : - Hmm... a bit like this... perhaps!!.. It's that I don't find all of them so serious most of the times... All I read is a prolongin' cheap-chat which runs nowhere, just a fillin' empty spaces of reason with masked, cold, prefabricated notions and opinions... all talks and no walks, d'ya read me?
ME : - So, where's the problem? Do you wanna write or talk more seriously? Do it! Ya able no more doin' that? Ya feel insecure of your topics? Insecure in the confrontation with those other "talkers"?
HUMA : - Insecure, ya say?... I feel insecure only in presence of a master in the fields I move.. some kind of respectful reveries, ya know?, but insecure... Naah! I can say my insecurity is a "past-remora" i managed to control years ago... On the other side I know I'm able to talk back to anybody in my fields and beyond but... again, I dunno... Am I not talkin' 'bout something important enough ? Do people consider me like an outsider with no interests at all ?
ME : - Are you this kind of person ?
HUMA : - Well.. I'm an outsider, always been for my choice and for the world's will in 70/30% I'd say... but I never stopped watchin' the wheels... and sure I know how they go round in this world... and how it's cruel and soulless the circus they're built in... but...
ME : - Listen! This people which could consider you an easy-life outsider... d'ya value 'em?
HUMA : -...hmmm... not much not ev'rybody!...
ME : - Why?
HUMA : - They seem a bit hypocrite ta me! Most of 'em talk 'bout revolution, money for all and justice for all and so on but they don't give away one of their privileges if ya don't stick sumthin' up their richness-comforted arse... Most of 'em talk 'bout doing this, doing that but they don't move their asses before countin' the cash for every damned thing they cry they wanna do! And most of 'em talk 'bout livin' in a style that I've embraced years 'n' years ago but all they do is pose like they talk!! This makes me a little sick!!
ME : - Then... what d'ya fuckin' care 'bout these shitmongers' opinions about what ya could eventually do, write or talk?
HUMA : - That's the X point on the map!! I surely don't give a fuck 'bout the most of 'em but...
ME : - But what? Answer me: who are you?
HUMA : - I think... I believe I am a good kind of a person... I'm honest enough to avoid the jail, till now at least, ah!... I'm on the first line to help people I care and some I don't care about... I'm a distorted-sound addicted... I'm a drinker, sometime a heavy drinker still in my forty... I'm an animalist... I'm a writer with some good ideas... I got humor enough to go on livin' an' strugglin' till my mind & my body'll call for the final rest... I'm strongly opinionated... both socially and "spiritually"...
ME : - Politically ?
HUMA : - That's fun! When I was younger I was told I was leftier than Mao... And I believed in a lot of "lefty" ideas... or ideals... But the "lefty" way of spreadin' their causes... I found it hypocritycal at maximum overdrive!! So I turn to the "right" side... Still yesterday I voted more for this side than the other... and I think I ain't been wrong the most of the time... Look at my town: if the last mayor we've had may be called the best mayor of our history, then I'm the only legal son of Elvis!!!... but I digress... Left or right... today I'm so tired of both of 'em! It's a circus... and the clowns are at the power!! The solution by me? Throw away all the politicians and start again with people who knows what they're talkin' about... real politician, not everyday men who scream "vote for me! I was a plunder or a fishman or a lawyer or a manager till yesterday and I know exactly how to govern ya all for the benefit of my Caribbean bankroll!!"... But the real solution by me, the solution I know I'll never live to see it is a return to the monarchy...
ME : - The Monarchy ?
HUMA : - Yep! A non-hereditary, enlightened and meritocratic one! No Crown family, but a life-time sovereign, man or woman, voted by the people... a bit like the Pope, you know? The democracy has poorly failed.. and it was obliged to fail by its own nature! By the farts of god! They really think a guy with no culture, no social consciousness, the classic bum on the street could manifest his will and make a nation prosper? They really think democracy stands for "each cretin of the planet has an opinion we all must listen and consider? Give some free-voice to my cat too, then!!! Bàh... Every group, every society needs a leader... one leader, not a gang of wannabe-kings who can't rule even their block!! And like a wiseman said: "Ten people steal less than one hundred!!!"...
ME : - Who this wiseman?
HUMA : - Read it in a Max Bunker comic... Maxmagnus... a real cool one!!
ME : - Goin' on politically... are you for the death penalty?
HUMA : - I was! I really was! I believe some people deserve to die... but not to be killed!! No one should kill another human or animal being! But it's in our nature, I know this... We're all killers, given the cause! But here enter the society's laws... Laws too soft for too many crimes! And jails too open in the "out door", ya read me? They say "Let nobody touch Cain"... Right! But I'm also for the " Don't let Cain break the balls to Abel unless the first desire an electrochok up his colon!!!" This society of ours is too hypocrite... Lawyers and judges are too busy rantin' over laws never applied and entering in the politic field to live on people's money meanwhile behind their very eyes, people kills, steal, abuse of children and animals, literally destroys the very Nature of this world... This must be changed radically!!... perhaps building more jails?
ME : - So you're no more a death penalty sustainer but you'd like more hard times for the condemned...
HUMA : - Listen... here comes another hypocritical mess!... Ok, no more executions but... now we should also consider a better way of livin' for the jailed masses... Ya wanna gift 'em more freedom to think 'bout their mistakes, to try to ask the society's forgiveness?... Well, let's choose a big, far island and send 'em all there unable to come back forever! Let's see what kind of society they can build there and, why not?, let's make a reality show out of this!! No more jail-pain, a healthy detenction... and a lot of useless gits away from the sacred spheres!!! Like it? All happy now?
ME : - I think we better change the argument,uh? Ya talked 'bout animalists, then Nature... is there some point here?
HUMA : - I respect and love Nature in all of her expressions! Always been a devote Mother Nature Son... I think I put something sacred, almost religious, in it!
ME : - Sounds like an old hippy song to me...
HUMA : - Funny ya say this... I was called "Old Hippy Freak" times and times again... and I'm absolutely happy every time... The American Native culture was my favorite model in my life... that and some of John Lennon words...
ME : - Ya showin' your age here... Ever taken drugs? Smoked some grass? All the hippy things, ya know?
HUMA : - Hmm... never taken drugs in a great consideration!... I have absolutely no interest in whatever can only make me a slave to something... food, smoke, drinks, or chemical things... Said this... yes, I've smoked some grass when I was younger but no acid or pin prickes for me, thank you!! I'm more the heavy-drinker archetype... A beer can't waste your brain like a drug, period!!And we can stop the "hippy-things" here... I am what I am... and I'm okay most of the time with me...!
ME : - Whaddaya think 'bout drug's users ?
HUMA : - If ya wanna stay "detuned", for whatever mess you think it's your life... you're free to stay as blown away as ya can stand buuuut... Don't cry, don't tell me you weren't aware of the damages on your mind and body, and social life too... and count on me helpin' you only if ya wanna really suffer to stop killin' yerself!
ME : - Back to religion... Who... or what you pray ?
HUMA : - Sometime I'd prefer pray someone like Crom, or Odin... Gods cutted in stone and metal... Gods not overwhelmin' on humanity... Few rules and very coherent... The whole Christian/Catholic/Evangelical/Orthodox/and whatever else deeply disgusts me... and count in the Islam too... or the whole Shiva/Krishna/Ramadingdong mess... Buddhism I like... but I'm more connected with the life energy I can sense... Nature-harmonized I am... and in this state I find my Goddess...female 100%!!!
ME : - Ya believe in a female cosmic architect?
HUMA : - Every ancient culture on Earth saw a She-maker in their believes... It'sa matter of evidence!! If there's somebody out there who created, orchestrated all of this... it must be female! I believe it with all my soul!! And I'm okay with it! Female can create... male can watch and protect... but I'm goin' metaphysical here... uh?
ME : - A bit too much, I must agree... So, ya ain't so much in the "follow the leader"-mode attainin' to spirituality...
HUMA : - Hmm... I've known lotta priests, guru, self-estimated leaders of ev'ry sort... I'll say this: no one, no one can tell me how to live my Credo... I don't believe in the name of gods, I don't believe the truth is in just one sacred book, whatever ya call it, I don't believe in a heavenly place marked by an eternity of adoring stasis, I don't believe in cemetaries, holy rites, saints... 'cos' I see some of 'em just like very good people and no more... I don't believe in carnal mortification, I don't believe in exclusive-male-preaching, I don't believe in flags, nations, fundamentalism of ev'ry sort... I got a mix of despite and disturbing fear regarding those people who envelope themselves in just one religion, or philosophy, or political flag without givin' a chance to change their minds and souls in all their miserable life! I told ya I am strongly opinionated now... but I reached this state of thinkin' constantly reading, talkin' and confrontin' myself with other's ideas and cultures for the best part of my youth... and still I'm searchin' some new truth 'round me!! ... and that's not easy at all, I can assure ya! The truth is a multi-faceted diamond... if ya just watch the only side it appeals to your poor-experienced eyes, you just live a lie for all your time on earth... and often you compel your friends and parents to live the same lie of yours! I don't follow any leader... I watch at their feelings, their ideas, and then mix 'em up with mine and I hope to see my spirit growin' better! That's all!
ME : - Talk me about what you create...
HUMA : - I've always created stories, songs and songswords... Since I was a child I read comics, books and started to write my own stories... All this despite the fragorous shit-mind-set of those who patronized me yellin' at comics like the killers of fantasy!! What an absolute army of stupid gits they all were!!! Ev'ry generation has the usual no-brains-all-mouth-shit-screamin'!! Now we have an army against the anime or the videogames... Same old bullshit!! To hell all of 'em!! All in all... What can I say? My brain always seeks for other realities... Perhaps this one seems too boring to him... I'm a comunicative guy, I think... even when it seems to me that nobody's interested in what I can say, or play to entertain them!! In the end... on my tombstone... I'd like to see written: " I had a lot of stories for ya all, ya motherfucker's tribe!! Now go fuck yerself and read some capone's crap!!"... or sumthin' similar... ehmm!!...And no, I'll never tell ya what "capone" means...!!
ME : - Ya feel a lonely one?
HUMA : - No... I like solitude a lot but... I like sharin' my hours with people with a brain and a soul... We're here to learn, this I'm very convinced of, and I wanna learn from the best people I can meet!! I'm very, very selective... My friendship has a very high cost!! My guilty side is that I pretend a lot from the people I call friend... that's the cause I've not that much of 'em!! Eh,eh!!!
ME : - ...I know you've had your load of chicks... not properly the lonely type!!
HUMA : - In my teen an' in my twenty-something... and sometimes here and there in my thirty'n'over... Yes, I've had my chicks... not all recommandable ladies, I could add!! Hell... A pair of 'em were not ladies at all, if ya read me, uh?
ME : - Hmm... You "omo" too ?
HUMA : - No, I don't think so... I treated 'em in a "Homo way", ya read me?... They were... another kind of women to my eyes, let's say so!!... I'd say I'm "Homo with the omo", okay? And let me be clear right now: I'm for every freedom in sexual tastes... And I never judge 'cos', in my opinion, there's nothing to judge about love and sexual choices! T'was a pair of curiosity-cases, let's put it down this way... and in the end I never really appreciated the thing... Like another wise-man told: "A man, you can shake hands with... a woman, you always embrace her!"...
ME : - Who this wiseman, again?
HUMA : - Bon Scott, too-soon-departed first singer of Ac/Dc...
ME : - Hmmm... Other particoular relations to add in your curriculum?
HUMA : - No, I think... obviously it all depends on how you define particular relations... I had the usual games... You know: one female, two males... one male, two females... but I believe it's in the norm nowadays... No orgies... this I missed... but I think it's due to my particoular meanin' of friendship... I don't belive in friend-masses as I said before... I'd say I've no friends enough to make a real good orgy with 'em!!... Ahà!
ME : - And the winner in this "trio's party" contest is...?
HUMA : - Ehmm... how can I explain it... let's say this: I had a lot of fun with the "two males-one female" because the other male was a friend of mine, we were nervous... & drunk, obviously... t'was our first time... we had lotta laughes... and the baby was so cuuuute and friendly... hell, we well-paid her!!èh... I was really "over the drunk state" in the other occasion: I almost fell in love with one of the chicks, a gorgeous green-eyed one, but, amazingly, I had less fun... I tried to stay "iron man" enough to satisfy the both of 'em... "male-proud" contest here, uh?... but I think, in retrospective, I failed a bit!! But what an experience, my god!!! And the best thing was that we were friendly then... though I paid 'em both with more liquor than money!! Ah, if I could write a diary of my booze-driven events...!! Now, in my forty, I see 'em all very funny, all of 'em! I had a period of strange, dirty, sometime dangerous meeting... but I was drunk or horned or simply in a "I don't give a fuck about it" mode... But I had a pair of long, intense love stories too... and a fatal crush on a girl which ended up with the most ultimative deconstruction of all of my feelings for her! Painful and horrible...but useful in the followin' days! As they say: "no pain no gain", ya know? In the end I can't complain about the chicks department! Perhaps in the love stories'repart... Sometimes I feel I've ruined a couple of precious things or more... Màh, that's life, uh?... And regardin' this I think I've paid for my incorrect behaviour with the girls who really loved me: I failed miserably with an artist who was reeeeally younger than me... I really craved her, I really desired her... I really loved her... I really was the most correct friend with her... and all I've received 's been a pile of shit 'n' a booze-proof depression! It lasted a year or so, did ya know?, then one day I woke up 'n said to myself: "Fuck her and her childish mindset!!" and I suddenly recovered!! It's been the last time for me... the last time I'm correct without receiving some hot-treatment first!! However... chicks will always go with beer and music for me... I like 'em creative, brightsoul-type, wild , free mindsetted and young in spirit if not in age!!
ME : - You're over forty now... not that young... Don't ya feel out of gas with younger people?
HUMA : - Sometime... But I still drink more and better than the most of 'em... I know some trick that they cannot know because their age... and really I stay home four out seven days in winter while, during summer, I walk mostly in the evening so, when I'm hangin' out, I'm really fueled and I can enjoy whatever ride I'm on!! The younger ones make me feel, live, think younger... Look at most of my age's friend! Old boring farts-shooters... they look at me ridin' the pubs and say they're happy with the whale-wife wed when she was slim, two or more kids stormin' their house like a perpetual domestic Kathryna and the Sea of Tranquillity which is their future life-perspective!! I think I'll wait some years before puttin' up a family... and god knows if I've not already tried once or twice!! I think it's just not my clan-time yet!
ME : - So... it appears to me you're more self-stablished now than the minute this talk has begun... Sure it wasn't a case of paranoia... an age-derivative sense of life failure... of missed-points acknowledgement... ?
HUMA : - Hmmm... Surely I am aware nowadays of each of the mistakes I've done... and there's a ton of it, believe me! I can easily say I'm still payin' for a pair of 'em still today but... ehy, I'm not perfect and most of all, I've never cried over 'em!... and obviously I see my life in another perspective now that I'm fortyfour... I have my missed-points always in front of me... to remember... to stand the ground... to hold the route, ya know? My missed points are still the meanin' of my life... I wanna die on the road to my goals and not on a lost path leadin' nowhere, d'ya know what I mean? So, I'm thinkin' perhaps I just needed some kind of primal-scream-therapy today... Truly I feel better now... You're good!!
ME : - Thanks! But more than a primal scream therapy this seemed a booze-driven-delirium ta me!! However... In the end... Who d'ya think will read this chat of ours?
HUMA : - ..Hmmm... Those who care?
ME : - And who them?
HUMA : - I've not a fuckin' clue!! In the end I don't even care about this psicho-turmoil of mine by now! I'm feelin' better all of a sudden!!
ME : - But... d'ya feel you've earned something tonight?
HUMA : - Hmmm... A better improvement in your Caninglish language? Ah,ah!!
ME: - Oh, how much fun you spread!! You'd be great at some funeral...!! Good, visit's over so less smiles now and more cash! Ya gotta pay me!!
HUMA : - Wha?... Pay you?... But you've already my gratitude... and the control of my everyday life too!
ME : - Yeah... add to it some cash and I'll eat better tomorrow!!
HUMA : - But... but... Ya heartless furry quadrupede!!! Now I'm upset and sad again... If even my dog scream at me, I'm really... sob!... sigh!... knocked out! This therapy's ending is ruining all the good karma I've summed up till one minute ago!! Ya bad dog! Baaad dog!!
ME : - Ehy! Don't even try to cheat me!! I know you're acting the sad moron role to pay me not!!
HUMA : - See? See? Sigh!... Sob... Ya real bad dog!! Ya even don't believe me!! Alas, poor Diopotamo, nobody loves him no more... Booàhh!!.. The end is near... My sunset has come... I gotta go!! Ehmm... See ya later, adiòs!!
... and with an exit faster than a stupid Pope's speech, my deranged human pet fade away from my studio and so this is how the visit/dialogue/chat/whatever ended: I've spread my wisdom 'n' I've not been paid!! But I've filmed my human pet's acting to blackmailin' him one day or another, menacin' him to divulge the movie of his on-stage-expert "call to deep confusion" to avoid my bill so I'm okay... almost!! In fact I think I perfectly know how to be paid much more than my consulence-price... Tonight I'll rip his bed in pieces, then I'll act the "poor-dog-with-a-forever-hungry-problem" role and soon he'll be kissin' and fondlin' to comfort me with good foods for a looong week!!! We'll see who's the best in acting! Caninglish, uh? Oh, how much he'll pay!! Okay... Till your favourite bones are well digged... aloooouuha to ya all!!!
