Teaching mr.Mukkatron!

Ahh... Mr.Mukkatron... Another of my particular case... Let me tell you! One day this guy meets me and, on his knees, prays me to teach him how to be a gentleman while partying with the animals! You know I work for you pets ev'rywhere, not for humans... but I couldn't resist to the shiny-egg-headed guy... or his "I'm as far out as the Enterprise could be when Kirk 'n' Sulu smoke the Spock's pyjamas and lose their spaceway!" attitude! So, short story, I start with the basic lesson: the gentle approach! As you can see on the photo, we're on a looooong trip here... but I'll be patient... till he pays me... and till I can bite him for fun and karmic recalibration!... Wòw, it's saturday night! I'm off to start a four-legs-only party! If you need my enlightment write a comment here, or wait till monday! So... bye and BARK LOUD!!!

The strange case of mr.Julius Hamboocha!

This was one of my worst cases... few months ago!In a dark and rainy night, I received a phone call alerting me 'bout a guy named Julius who was wandering cursing ev'rything in sight apparently drunken or under the influence of an arcane spell!! All the witnesses were coherent in one fact: he seemed very, very desperate and he was ranting (as a seemingly "I'm on each grass I can smoke but the green's on my pockets" could rant, if you understand me!!) 'bout his nostalgia of the times he could scream madly at his long-buried pet, Pookypsicz (I think the poor dog is still cursing him for this name carved on his tombstone!) ! Oh, he loved the pet, I can assure you now, but his way of communicate with him was made of colourful and unprintable words declaimed like a drunken-sailor-in-a-compilation-of-"Jobìm Jobàm"-songs!!! So I soon discovered what to do to help this guy, if not for the heavenly appreciation of good ol' Pookypsicz: I invited mr.Julius Humboocha to a session of primordial screams in front of me! I stayed patient listening to all his lovely insults and fake menaces and then, when the poor ex-pet stopped, I gave him my bill... and now he's a happy resident of Kazzabrakka's Home for Bankruptist-without-a-dime! Ah... Pookypsicz... rest in peace... your human screams no more! Another successfully archived case! Now watch the video... and don't tell me it's upset! T'was the world of the poor Hamboocha, after all!!Alooouuuha!!!

Entertaining your deranged human pet!

Awright! Here 're some examples 'bout how to entertain your humans in order to maintain them healthy and able to bring you all around and buy you good food! Remember: bark, jump, run aimlessly and above all move your ears and shake your tail (and if you are short-tailed move exaggerately your ass!!)!!! Each of these things drives crazy your human pets and after you've ruined their ball, or dress, or whatever stuff they gave you to play, they'll cover you with kisses and rich food or over-the-top snacks! Worst scenario: he/she'll buy you new toys to play with!And now apprehend from my videos and remember: don't criticize me for their quality! I'm a beginner in this internet affair! Make me rich and famous clikking my blog ev'ryday and soon I'll have Cronemberg makin' my videos!! Aloooouuuha!!

My patient,mr.Khalì.

Ok! Here's the perfect example about how this blog should work! Remember: I DON'T ANSWER to sad, cryin', doomf@秣d people!!! I'm here to encourage, counsel, enlighten all you animals out there about whatever doubt, or curiosity, or coexistence trouble you may meet living with your deranged human pet (they're all deranged, you know ...it's just a matter of time!)!! You tired of being overexposed to all your human friends? Tell me! Your menù is outdated in years while your human grows in size and fat like a mcdonaldized creature? Tell me!Your human sighs and cry for a crush on some other human (they're a race so stuuupid about love things, you know!) and too often forgets to bring you out or, on the contrary, keeps on kissing you all day long? Tell me! Your human talks too much with other humans during your pissybusiness and it's becoming cold and late for your beauty sleep? Tell me! Sometime you feel the urge to bite, scratch or simply mess with all the objects your human cares? Tell me! We'll sort it out! Guaranteed!! So, as I was sayin', here's a perfect example of my work: my last patient, mr.Khalì, the black cat, was sooo tired of being overhugged by his human and so I showed him some Meeoow-Fu moves to appropriately use in the needing! Now he's happy... and his human has brought him three, yes three, pussycats to cool him down a little!! Ah! Mission accomplished, ùh? But now enough chat!! Watch the video and don't criticize: a Spielberg I ain't!!Aloooouuuuha!

Cica,sleeping beauty!

And this is a friend of mine! Ain't she cute, uh?Name is Cica... lovely dog... She's ok... She's sleeping now but when she's awake... wòff!!! she's faster than me in eatin'time!! ...so it's better let her dreaming another hour or two!! èhmm... If you don't contact me and make this blog one of the funniest... I'll send her to your homes and she'll devour all your dinners... and lunches too!!!Human advised... you know the other line!Well, I'm outta here... you know ...snìff-snùff time! Alooouuuha!!!

Awright! I'm sooo tired to stay here waiting for someone willing to improve his stupid life listening to my wise words!! It seems you're living in paradise out there these days!! Wàff! You surely some kind of reflective people lookin' nowhere but pretending to be very mentally busy like all cats do all their life!! (ehy, let me be clear over this! I love cats... you've seen my profile, uh? ...but they're all cheatin' you, you know? and when they look at you... aah, you really can't hear their inner laughes... but I digress!) So, here's the new: I've decided it's sniff-snùff time, so I'll pick my deranged pet (but have you clicked on his blog, insanemessiah.blogspot.com ? He's totally gone fishing in the desert, if you copy me!) and I'll go out searching for some furry&young dog-smell to start a howling party! Goodnight, ya fisheaters!

Here I am... first dog on web... I think!!! Gosh!with all the humans on line, I bet I'll use more brain than all of them here! So, what you're waitin' for? I'm ready to give you all an answer about ev'rything! If only I could figure why I bark in English... Wòff!... all in all I'll bark worldwide! Now shùsshh... My human is ready for dinner! Bark you later!!